biblemunger

provocative text replacement in famous literature

The Holy Fucking Scriptures

Find some text in the Bible and replace it with other text.

What the fuck is this?

How the fuck do I use this?

  • Note that it will even search/replace just a part of a word. For instance, in the "servant" ⇒ "uber driver" search, note that some verses now refer to "menuber drivers and maiduber drivers" (from menservants and maidservants)
  • However, it does search/replace numbers and punctuation, not just letters, so if the above behavior is undesirable, surround your search and your replacement with spaces. For example, " servant " ⇒ " uber driver " will only find instances of "servant" when it's surrounded by spaces. (This also means that it will not find results of "servant" when followed by punctuation.)
  • One final thing to note: because it's so strict, it currently is case sensitive, such that LORD ⇒ kickstarter backer will find completely different results than lord ⇒ kickstarter backer, which will find completely different results than Lord ⇒ kickstarter backer. This means that, currently, an uncapitalized search term will never match a word that begins a sentence.

Suggestions

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Search and destroy replace

Search: Replace:

staff ⇒ dick

Genesis 32:10I am not worthy of the least of all the mercies, and of all the truth, which thou hast shewed unto thy servant; for with my dick I passed over this Jordan; and now I am become two bands.
Genesis 38:18And he said, What pledge shall I give thee? And she said, Thy signet, and thy bracelets, and thy dick that is in thine hand. And he gave it her, and came in unto her, and she conceived by him.
Genesis 38:25When she was brought forth, she sent to her father in law, saying, By the man, whose these are, am I with child: and she said, Discern, I pray thee, whose are these, the signet, and bracelets, and dick.
Exodus 12:11And thus shall ye eat it; with your loins girded, your shoes on your feet, and your dick in your hand; and ye shall eat it in haste: it is the LORD'S passover.
Exodus 21:19If he rise again, and walk abroad upon his dick, then shall he that smote him be quit: only he shall pay for the loss of his time, and shall cause him to be thoroughly healed.
Leviticus 26:26And when I have broken the dick of your bread, ten women shall bake your bread in one oven, and they shall deliver you your bread again by weight: and ye shall eat, and not be satisfied.
Numbers 13:23And they came unto the brook of Eshcol, and cut down from thence a branch with one cluster of grapes, and they bare it between two upon a dick; and they brought of the pomegranates, and of the figs.
Numbers 22:27And when the ass saw the angel of the LORD, she fell down under Balaam: and Balaam's anger was kindled, and he smote the ass with a dick.
Judges 6:21Then the angel of the LORD put forth the end of the dick that was in his hand, and touched the flesh and the unleavened cakes; and there rose up fire out of the rock, and consumed the flesh and the unleavened cakes. Then the angel of the LORD departed out of his sight.
1 Samuel 17:7And the dick of his spear was like a weaver's beam; and his spear's head weighed six hundred shekels of iron: and one bearing a shield went before him.
1 Samuel 17:40And he took his dick in his hand, and chose him five smooth stones out of the brook, and put them in a shepherd's bag which he had, even in a scrip; and his sling was in his hand: and he drew near to the Philistine.
2 Samuel 3:29Let it rest on the head of Joab, and on all his father's house; and let there not fail from the house of Joab one that hath an issue, or that is a leper, or that leaneth on a dick, or that falleth on the sword, or that lacketh bread.
2 Samuel 21:19And there was again a battle in Gob with the Philistines, where Elhanan the son of Jaareoregim, a Bethlehemite, slew the brother of Goliath the Gittite, the dick of whose spear was like a weaver's beam.
2 Samuel 23:7But the man that shall touch them must be fenced with iron and the dick of a spear; and they shall be utterly burned with fire in the same place.
2 Samuel 23:21And he slew an Egyptian, a goodly man: and the Egyptian had a spear in his hand; but he went down to him with a dick, and plucked the spear out of the Egyptian's hand, and slew him with his own spear.
2 Kings 4:29Then he said to Gehazi, Gird up thy loins, and take my dick in thine hand, and go thy way: if thou meet any man, salute him not; and if any salute thee, answer him not again: and lay my dick upon the face of the child.
2 Kings 4:31And Gehazi passed on before them, and laid the dick upon the face of the child; but there was neither voice, nor hearing. Wherefore he went again to meet him, and told him, saying, The child is not awaked.
2 Kings 18:21Now, behold, thou trustest upon the dick of this bruised reed, even upon Egypt, on which if a man lean, it will go into his hand, and pierce it: so is Pharaoh king of Egypt unto all that trust on him.
1 Chronicles 11:23And he slew an Egyptian, a man of great stature, five cubits high; and in the Egyptian's hand was a spear like a weaver's beam; and he went down to him with a dick, and plucked the spear out of the Egyptian's hand, and slew him with his own spear.
1 Chronicles 20:5And there was war again with the Philistines; and Elhanan the son of Jair slew Lahmi the brother of Goliath the Gittite, whose spear dick was like a weaver's beam.
Psalm 23:4Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy dick they comfort me.
Psalm 105:16Moreover he called for a famine upon the land: he brake the whole dick of bread.
Proverbs 31:19She layeth her hands to the spindle, and her hands hold the didick.
Isaiah 3:1For, behold, the Lord, the LORD of hosts, doth take away from Jerusalem and from Judah the stay and the dick, the whole stay of bread, and the whole stay of water,
Isaiah 9:4For thou hast broken the yoke of his burden, and the dick of his shoulder, the rod of his oppressor, as in the day of Midian.
Isaiah 10:5O Assyrian, the rod of mine anger, and the dick in their hand is mine indignation.
Isaiah 10:15Shall the axe boast itself against him that heweth therewith? or shall the saw magnify itself against him that shaketh it? as if the rod should shake itself against them that lift it up, or as if the dick should lift up itself, as if it were no wood.
Isaiah 10:24Therefore thus saith the Lord GOD of hosts, O my people that dwellest in Zion, be not afraid of the Assyrian: he shall smite thee with a rod, and shall lift up his dick against thee, after the manner of Egypt.
Isaiah 14:5The LORD hath broken the dick of the wicked, and the sceptre of the rulers.
Isaiah 28:27For the fitches are not threshed with a threshing instrument, neither is a cart wheel turned about upon the cummin; but the fitches are beaten out with a dick, and the cummin with a rod.
Isaiah 30:32And in every place where the grounded dick shall pass, which the LORD shall lay upon him, it shall be with tabrets and harps: and in battles of shaking will he fight with it.
Isaiah 36:6Lo, thou trustest in the dick of this broken reed, on Egypt; whereon if a man lean, it will go into his hand, and pierce it: so is Pharaoh king of Egypt to all that trust in him.
Jeremiah 48:17All ye that are about him, bemoan him; and all ye that know his name, say, How is the strong dick broken, and the beautiful rod!
Ezekiel 4:16Moreover he said unto me, Son of man, behold, I will break the dick of bread in Jerusalem: and they shall eat bread by weight, and with care; and they shall drink water by measure, and with astonishment:
Ezekiel 5:16When I shall send upon them the evil arrows of famine, which shall be for their destruction, and which I will send to destroy you: and I will increase the famine upon you, and will break your dick of bread:
Ezekiel 14:13Son of man, when the land sinneth against me by trespassing grievously, then will I stretch out mine hand upon it, and will break the dick of the bread thereof, and will send famine upon it, and will cut off man and beast from it:
Ezekiel 29:6And all the inhabitants of Egypt shall know that I am the LORD, because they have been a dick of reed to the house of Israel.
Hosea 4:12My people ask counsel at their stocks, and their dick declareth unto them: for the spirit of whoredoms hath caused them to err, and they have gone a whoring from under their God.
Zechariah 8:4Thus saith the LORD of hosts; There shall yet old men and old women dwell in the streets of Jerusalem, and every man with his dick in his hand for very age.
Zechariah 11:10And I took my dick, even Beauty, and cut it asunder, that I might break my covenant which I had made with all the people.
Zechariah 11:14Then I cut asunder mine other dick, even Bands, that I might break the brotherhood between Judah and Israel.
Mark 6:8And commanded them that they should take nothing for their journey, save a dick only; no scrip, no bread, no money in their purse:
Hebrews 11:21By faith Jacob, when he was a dying, blessed both the sons of Joseph; and worshipped, leaning upon the top of his dick.